Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
