Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
