Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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