her vagine was all disorganized.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
