I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize