a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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