I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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