Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I need moral support for this bender
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
