Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
either way he was missing a nipple.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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