You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
