fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize