You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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