I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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