I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
