she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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