Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
