So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
