3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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