Sponge bath it is.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
