Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
