oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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