this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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