The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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