Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish you could order shots online.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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