After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
