You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
