New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
