You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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