i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
