she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
