It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
