is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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