I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
