sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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