I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
