Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The adults are the big ones right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
