I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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