By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
