Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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