so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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