just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
