Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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