dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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