never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
