One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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