I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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