you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
