Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
