I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your cock deserves a montage
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
