Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
