Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
