God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
