so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
