dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
