I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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