so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
