Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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