D3 body, D1 cock
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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