Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
