Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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