I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
