I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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