They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
