Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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