Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
