shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
