I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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