Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
