I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
