God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We are all done wearing pants today
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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