And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
