a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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