But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
look no pants
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
