planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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