we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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