when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize