What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
