They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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