gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
